August 18, 2010 at 2158 · Filed under asstarded, commentary, movies
Recent gems:
Considering I am neither a fan of children’s movies or romantic comedies, can someone please explain what the fuck is going on here? Did my watching American Psycho 2 and Battlefield Earth (I am a sucker for bad movie night) make Netflix throw up its virtual hands and load me up with the worst crap imaginable?
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May 29, 2010 at 1043 · Filed under commentary, movies
The biggest hurdle I’ve encountered in creating content for my blog is recognizing the fact that most people really don’t give a damn about my opinions. Sure, I could type up a review of every book, movie, video game, and piece of software I try. However, I’m not so egotistical as to think that I can deliver something that’s particularly useful or insightful in a way that hasn’t been touched upon by a thousand other people. Seeing The Human Centipede this past Monday changed all that. THIS MOVIE MUST BE DISCUSSED.
Despite all the controversy surrounding this film, I actually hadn’t heard of it until an old friend invited me to see it. He had been having some difficulty finding people willing to go, and stated, “you seem like the kind of person who would be into it.” I’m glad I know that I’m someone who can be counted on in times of needing to see coprophagia-themed torture porn.
The classification of “torture porn” isn’t entirely accurate here. Most of the truly nasty moments of THC are implied; other than a few brief shots of the surgical procedures involved (performed under anesthesia, even,), most of the gore takes place off-screen. The experience wasn’t like that of Saw or Hostel, both of which had me squirming in my seat every 20 minutes. In fact, I spent most of the movie cracking up, not being grossed out.
There is quite a bit of debate on the IMDB boards about whether this movie was intended to be serious or a sort of satire/comedy. Truly, I have no idea of Tom Six’s intent. Regardless of whether THC is “so bad it’s good” a-la Showgirls or intentionally hilarious, it’s still immensely entertaining. The entire movie plays out like a “what not to do” catalog of horror movie ineptitudes. Walking through the creepy woods instead of following the road, cowering in the corner instead of using the phone, waiting until the last possible moment to attempt escape– it’s all there. Dieter Laser plays his character more like a weirder, German Christopher Walken than a true monster. It’s my stance that this movie is meant to be funny; how can you explain the opening shot of Laser crying over a butt-to-nose chain of Rottweilers otherwise?
Also, has anyone noticed how awesome some of the last names of the people involved with this movie are? Tom Six, Patrick Savage, Holeg Spies, Jasper de Weerd, Dieter Laser? It’s like a convention of “dudes I would marry just for the awesome driver’s licence.” I really have to tip my hat to THC, even the opening credits were entertaining.
Overall, once you get past the shock value of THC’s central premise– and a mouth-butt-chain of people isn’t half was weird as some of the things floating around the Internet– the movie is more hilarious than scary or gross. Obviously it’s not something you’ll want to sit down to watch with your Bible-thumping grandmother, but all in all it’s a great watch. Three out of three human centipede segments.*
*Thanks to N. Yoshi for the awesome ratings system idea.
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September 10, 2009 at 1850 · Filed under movies
I caught The Goonies when it was on TV about a week ago. I had seen it as a kid, so the experience should have a veritable nostalgia-fest. Instead, I realized that this movie is essentially just an hour and a half of kids yelling at each other (or yelling in general.) You could make a drinking game of how often those little shits started yelling either out of surprise, to warn each other of impending danger, as a declaration of victory, or because they all needed to WORK TOGETHER. After watching this movie I immediately punched myself in the uterus repeatedly in the hopes of disabling myself from ever having children, out of the fear that they would turn out even half as obnoxious as the characters in The Goonies.
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I am a 28 year old from NYC who does a lot of nerdy, silly things. You can call me 'aloria.' I am most easily contacted on