Some dudes need a clue stick

October 11, 2008 at 0932 · Filed under being single

You ask me out to dinner; I say no. Not something wishy-washy, like “I’d like to, but I’m so busy right now,” or “hmm, maybe,” but a definite “no thank you.”

That doesn’t mean you should ask me again twice within a 10 minute period. It means NO. It means I am not interested. I’m not the dude in Austin Powers who does what you want if you ask him three times. I DON’T WANT TO GO TO DINNER WITH YOU.

View Comments  Share/Save

Oh, you crazy Internet dating site dudes.

October 6, 2008 at 2230 · Filed under being single

1. Your sending me an initial e-mail does not obligate me to respond if I am disinterested. If I had to write a rejection letter for every skeezoid who e-mailed me, I’d have to quit my day job and answer emails from the public library. I don’t think being homeless would improve my dating prospects.
2. If I am in the middle of a e-mail thread with you, but do not respond for a few days, do not freak out about my abandoning you. I am a busy girl, I have a job and am trying to buy a condo and rent my current place while raising two puppies to be outstanding citizens. Sometimes conversations with random strangers have to go on the back burner.
3. Do not try to get into my pants on the first date. It’s insulting that you think I am that easy.
4. Attempting to kiss me good night on a first date is fine, I guess. Proclaiming “let’s make out like teenagers” and attempting a drunken makeout-fest in front of a bartender is immature.
5. I like mature guys. “Mature” in this case does not mean “needs sea-bond.”

Thanks.

View Comments  Share/Save

Dinner post.

September 2, 2008 at 1956 · Filed under asstarded, being single, food, other crafts

Normally, I don’t find dinnertime (especially my dinnertime) fascinating enough to blog about, but this dinner involved BACON.

First, I had to prepare the bacon. I arranged six 3/4-strips of uncooked bacon in a weave-like configuration. Why weave the bacon? Because I’m fancy like that, that’s why. Also, I read about it somewhere. Credit where credit’s due.

I then cooked the bacon in the oven according to the package direction. Usually us hacker types don’t follow directions, but when bacon is involved you can’t be too careful.

While the bacon was baking (AHAHhahahaha,) I prepared two eggs:

You may be asking yourself “how did she get those eggs so square?” I’ll tell you– four years of graph theory. That’s how, bitches.

Finally, the bacon was done. I toasted two slices of bread while I marveled at the bacony glory:

Assembly time. Behold! Dinner:

I’d like to let all you gentlemen out there know that, yes, I am single. Perplexing, isn’t it?

View Comments  Share/Save

I win at singledom.

July 23, 2008 at 2315 · Filed under being single

I only filled out the eHarmony survey because I had a inkling that I’d be rejected for their service (their “dimensions of compatibility” and “find your soulmate” shtick gives me the creeps.) I was right.

View Comments  Share/Save