Archive for being single
November 12, 2008 at 1952 · Filed under asstarded, being single, food
I have some very strong opinions on the matter of omelets. The first being– an omelet is not a quesadilla with a fried egg for a tortilla. That bears repeating. AN OMELET IS NOT A FUCKING QUESADILLA WITH A FRIED EGG FOR A TORTILLA. What is wrong with you people? You think you can fry up a sheet of egg, slap some ingredients on top, and fold it over? That is cheating. If you have to rely on cheese to keep your ingredients from spilling out, you did it wrong.
This is my dinner omelet. Notice the ingredients are held together by EGG. This particularly good because I didn’t feel like eating any damned cheese tonight.
Oh, and if my omelet bleeds runny egg when I cut into it, I will stab whomever made it with my fork. That shit is nasty, yo.
October 11, 2008 at 0932 · Filed under being single
You ask me out to dinner; I say no. Not something wishy-washy, like “I’d like to, but I’m so busy right now,” or “hmm, maybe,” but a definite “no thank you.”
That doesn’t mean you should ask me again twice within a 10 minute period. It means NO. It means I am not interested. I’m not the dude in Austin Powers who does what you want if you ask him three times. I DON’T WANT TO GO TO DINNER WITH YOU.
October 6, 2008 at 2230 · Filed under being single
- Your sending me an initial e-mail does not obligate me to respond if I am disinterested. If I had to write a rejection letter for every skeezoid who e-mailed me, I’d have to quit my day job and answer emails from the public library. I don’t think being homeless would improve my dating prospects.
- If I am in the middle of a e-mail thread with you, but do not respond for a few days, do not freak out about my abandoning you. I am a busy girl, I have a job and am trying to buy a condo and rent my current place while raising two puppies to be outstanding citizens. Sometimes conversations with random strangers have to go on the back burner.
- Do not try to get into my pants on the first date. It’s insulting that you think I am that easy.
- Attempting to kiss me good night on a first date is fine, I guess. Proclaiming “let’s make out like teenagers” and attempting a drunken makeout-fest in front of a bartender is immature.
- I like mature guys. “Mature” in this case does not mean “needs sea-bond.”
Thanks.
September 2, 2008 at 1956 · Filed under asstarded, being single, other crafts
Normally, I don’t find dinnertime (especially my dinnertime) fascinating enough to blog about, but this dinner involved BACON.
First, I had to prepare the bacon. I arranged six 3/4-strips of uncooked bacon in a weave-like configuration. Why weave the bacon? Because I’m fancy like that, that’s why. Also, I read about it somewhere. Credit where credit’s due.
I then cooked the bacon in the oven according to the package direction. Usually us hacker types don’t follow directions, but when bacon is involved you can’t be too careful.
While the bacon was baking (AHAHhahahaha,) I prepared two eggs:
You may be asking yourself “how did she get those eggs so square?” I’ll tell you– four years of graph theory. That’s how, bitches.
Finally, the bacon was done. I toasted two slices of bread while I marveled at the bacony glory:
Assembly time. Behold! Dinner:
I’d like to let all you gentlemen out there know that, yes, I am single. Perplexing, isn’t it?
July 23, 2008 at 2315 · Filed under being single
I only filled out the eHarmony survey because I had a inkling that I’d be rejected for their service (their “dimensions of compatibility” and “find your soulmate” shtick gives me the creeps.) I was right.
