I bought this (here: )

You may be asking “what the fuck is that?” It’s a catfish, dumbass. Note the tail:

What does it do? It’s a back washing sponge. There is even a convenient illustration. Also note that the sponge creates SMOOTH LATHER (the best kind:)

I don’t know why the catfish has pointy things coming out of it, but frankly I am a little terrified:

And this is how catfish back washing sponges reproduce:

I don’t know what this dude’s problem is. He seems pretty stressed out. Don’t worry, little buddy, I’ll keep you out of my buttcrack.